It’s your best friend’s birthday. His party is coming up. What to do? What kind of gift? Novelty gifts are often the best choice among friends who know each other well and aren’t’ too easily embarrassed in front of each other. They can range from the endearingly benign to the wickedly witty, and from the wholesome to the bawdy.

For the man who understands his true priorities, beer-related gifts could be an excellent option. For example, there’s the beer belt. What could be manlier than a bandoleer style belt with… beers instead of bullets? The classic beer bong is a gift the entire party can share. Then there’s the beer hat, a cap conveniently equipped with two beer bottle holders and two straws.

Novelty gifts don’t have to be gifts the manufacturer intended a novelty gifts. Consider what your friend is known for. Is he an avid supporter of a less-than-stellar football club, and has supported them through thick and thin (mostly thin of course). Now imagine you’ve heard his rant about football, money, and how the big glamorous clubs sicken him so often you can practically recite it from memory. Use this knowledge to your advantage. If he hates United more than anything on Earth, get him a Christiano Ronaldo replica shirt. Not an official one, a cheap one. Insist at the party, he put it on. As he cringes, when he reaches inside, he’ll find a coupon in the sleeve that allows him to destroy it in any way he sees fit. It may be the closest his side ever get to demolishing Manchester United.

When it comes to the risqué and the scatological, the options are boundless. There are, of course, the classics. The fake vomit, the fake dog poo. And of course, who could forget the make-a-casting-of-your-own willy kit. Why not go for a sure thing—what man can resist boobs? There’s the boob-shaped pillow, the boob-shaped coffee mug, that classic essential, the boob-shaped vibrating head massager. Then there’s that evergreen, the rubber chicken. With all these boob-related devices, he’ll most likely need to choke the chicken. For the man who truly has everything, there’s the silver-plated, executive ball scratcher.

Speaking of bawdy, another ideal event for novelty gifts is the stag party (or hen party). Strippers and burlesque shows have been done to death. Put a new twist on it. Find out what the stag or hen in question likes to see in members of the opposite sex. Then go for the opposite. Serve up what will be, in the eyes of the stag or hen in question, the ugliest thing they’ve ever seen. Then pay them extra to follow the hen or stag around like a lost, lovesick puppy. Whatever happens, the image of the featured hen being followed around by a fat balding stripper who has just stripped down to his leather codpiece is a mental picture you will all retain for the rest of your lives, if only in the form of emotional scarring.