Joanne M. Friedman

Most men probably have a hard time wrapping their minds around the idea that something she can not flaunt in public may be just the gift for the love of their lives. But lingerie—sexy, silky, feel-good intimate apparel—is something that many women crave but refuse to buy for themselves.

If you are attached to a female who does, indeed, splurge on frilly undies, consider yourself ahead of the game. You have at you disposal a catalogue of her tastes and desires. If you are not that lucky, a few guidelines may be just the ticket to get you started on your gift-shopping adventure.

Beginning at the beginning, there are several types and styles of clothing that fit the “lingerie” category.

v Brassieres

Bras are basic foundation garments often best left to the woman to choose and purchase. There is nothing that pleases a woman less than an ill-fitting bra. If you wish to purchase a matching bra-and-panties set, you would be wise to check her lingerie drawer for the size she most often purchases. Even at that, styles vary so widely (almost as widely as women’s shapes) that finding just the right item might be nearly impossible. Still, keeping in mind that she may return and exchange the bra for one that better suits her figure (and that you must not take offence when she does), it is not a bad choice.

Within this category you will find such goodies as:

§ Full-coverage bras

§ Shelf bras

§ Demi-bras

§ Padded bras

§ Unpadded, natural cup bras

§ Bras made of exotic fabrics such as silk or sateen

§ Fancy bras covered with lace

§ Strapless, backless, or convertible bras

§ Comfort-strap bras

§ Athletic bras

§ Support bras

Each of these items serves a specific purpose. If you are not at all sure what your lady would most appreciate, a phone call to customer service will earn you some serious answers to very delicate questions. Again, size is best determined by a quick search through your beloved’s underwear collection. No one can tell you by phone what size to buy. A digital photo and some clothing sizes, however, might make it possible for a representative to make a good guess.

Women know that the size of the bra’s band (the part where those pesky hooks and clasps are located) is determined by measuring around the chest below the breasts. That’s the first number of the size. A 34B, for instance, reflects a chest measurement of roughly 34 inches. A measurement around the largest part of the breasts will be a bigger number. The difference between the two numbers gives meaning to the second part of the size designation.

But unless you intend to sneak up on your woman while she is naked and surreptitiously measure her (pretty much an impossible task), settle for subtle sleuthing amid her unmentionables.

v Panties

Again, you are looking at a variety of styles and sizes. Again, it is safest if you sneak a peek at her existing wardrobe for the size. If she is of average size, you are probably going to be looking for a 10 or 12. If she is small, a 8 is more likely. But precision is key. Ill-fitting undies, like an ill-fitting bra will only make her cranky, and too large a size will guarantee anything but the excited response you are hoping for.

Style, however, is an open field. The styles of panties are not as numerous as those for bras, but still there is a range from which to choose. To wit:

· Bikini

· String bikini

· Boy-leg

· Briefs

· Low-rise

· High-cut leg

· Thong

We’ll just leave out “edible”.

If your shopping taste runs to panties, you should know by the time you have reached this level of intimacy what sort of fabric and decorative touches your partner prefers. Some women find frills and lace endearing. Others are more the sleek, silky type. Bright colours can be exciting, but are difficult for her to wear under light-coloured clothing. Consider her style, not yours, when you make the detail decisions.

v Nightgowns and Pyjamas and Robes

Oh my! Here is where men shine in their shopping know-how. You are far more likely to please her with something that does not require precise sizing, so go wild with your choices here. Presumably you have seen her sleep by now and know her preferences. Nightgowns are generally frillier and more exotic than pyjamas. That is not to say that you will not find sexy pyjamas by the dozens, but there is something a little more risqué about a slinky nightgown. For that reason, you will want to avoid buying anything strappy and shiny for, say, your mother or your secretary. But your girlfriend or your wife may swoon over a long column of shrimp-coloured silk. Add a matching kimono, and your credibility score will soar.

These items are easier size-wise as they generally run extra-small, small, medium, large, or extra large. If your partner is average, small or medium will be your best bet. If she wears a bra size smaller than 32A, she will need a small or extra-small. If her size range is between 32B and 36C, she will likely fit into a small or a medium. If she is larger than 36C, a medium or large will be in order. If she is full-figured, then opt for nothing smaller than large.

Style is a separate issue. If you actually intend for her to wear the item and even sleep in it, it must be comfortable. Lace around the neckline rarely is. Strings and ribbons that tie around the waist are lovely, but difficult to sleep in. Low-cut tops without adjustable straps will make her squirm.

In all lingerie gift purchases, if she has a favourite style, imitate it. If not, look at the rest of her intimate wardrobe and stray only slightly onto the wild side. A bright red, fringed bikini bra-and-panty set may make you drool but be impossible for her to wear if she is at all shy or enjoys her comfort. On the other hand, if she is an adventurous spirit, then by all means buy the sparkle, the bling, the outrageous and be assured you will score a major coup when she unwraps that package.

Shop on!